I have only just calmed down enough to write this to you.
I returned home on Sunday afternoon to a different person than the one I had loved and married. I returned to a person that I actually didn’t know existed.
You were so provocative in your focused aggression I had to lock myself in the bathroom in the fear that we would do something that we would both live to regret.
I have never ever known you so angry. So utterly, utterly, disturbingly angry. You followed me around the house as I tried to seek some solace; you wanted an argument yet I was far too happy – luckily – to be sucked in. Things could have been so different.
I never lied to you about where I was going this weekend. Maybe I wasn’t explicit in who, where and why I was going but I didn’t think I needed to be; after all we are in the midst of our divorce.
That isn’t the worst of it though, is it?
In my absence you have drawn some stupid conclusions. You have been snooping amongst my private things – something that we both silently agreed we would never do.
The worst part of all this is is that in your naivety, and in your quest to find out what I am doing – without asking me (I would have told you if you had asked) you have managed to upset some of my friends. For that I cannot forgive you.
I received an email yesterday from a friend – M – a bloke I have known since I was 15 years old, that is almost 2 decades of friendship!! He innocently said that he thought it was nice that my husband had been in touch. Can you imagine the alarm bells that set off in my head? And what ensued was a whole can of worms I really wish hadn’t been opened.
I know that you think our whole divorce is based on me having an affair with a bloke with the initial M - it isn’t!! And if it were, it really wouldn’t be my friend of 20 years.
I wouldn’t mind so much – but if you had sat and thought about it before you sent the email you may have just realised that you attended M’s wedding with me about 7 years ago – we sat at the top table – me being his best friend after all
Of course, as you know, M and I lost touch since then. It must be 5 years since we last spoke if not more. We had our life and he had his.
He now has 2 children and is also in the process of separation. He found my contact details on line and got in touch again a few weeks ago. We have chatted a lot and exchanged emails since then, but it is and was always a good platonic friendship.
I can understand your need to find and blame someone else for our failed marriage. But Husband there is no-one else to blame. There is only us – you and I! We are the ones to blame.
We have failed.
We are our own worst enemies at times. We seek bad things and we get them in abundance. You obviously simmered all weekend and I got you when you started to boil on Sunday afternoon.
And now?
Well I said it all last night. I need you to make me an equitable financial offer as soon as possible. I need to move out of this house; out of our home; I need to move on and let you do the same.
We have agreed on a fair market price of the house and also the equity that we have. All we need to do now is agree the cost of all our fixtures, fittings and furniture.
Please let us agree quickly.
Good night.