Letter to my Husband

The decree nisi is upon us; Wednesday 10am this week.

We have been told that there is no need to attend court, as there is no dispute; who lied to the judge?

We are in the midst of playing one requirement against another. Why?

Every piece of advice I have asked for I have ignored in your favour. I know that I could ask for a lot more than we have settled on.

You want me to sign away the deeds with a shallow compromise; should I? You have promised to honour our agreement.

I could decline signing the ‘clean break’ agreement;

I could stay in the house;

I could be a complete c**t!

But wouldn’t, won’t. I want and need to move on.

I trust you

We both have nothing else to lose

Yes, knew it immediately before i even woke up, The Streets, Dry your eyes mate

You know that tune burns in me.

Why did you put it on this morning before you left for work?

The postman has just been. I have just received a letter from you, which included a typed note, plus 4 envelopes. Your typed note says:

Mystery Trail,

So well done you for agreeing to play along.

You will find a series of envelopes marked with numbers. It’s important that you open them in sequence and only when instructed,

The trail will not take you too far, however; you will be outside in the most part so I suggest you dress appropriately.

Okay to kick off, gather up the envelopes drop them into your rucksack and head for Chippenham train station. You should be looking to catch the 3.10pm train to Bath. (You can go a little earlier; but try to hold off as best you can!) I suggest you park on the road near the entrance of WRSL as opposed to the train station car park – trust me. Just to re-assure you though, this does not involve staying away overnight.

Only upon arrival at Bath Spa may you open envelope number 1.

I would really welcome updates by means of text messaging along the way.

How bizarre is this? I feel strangely excited. In the 8 years I have known you, in the 4 years of marriage you have never done anything like this before.

Should I play along?

I received the following text from you this morning:

“I hope that you do not have any plans for tomorrow afternoon. I have a mystery trail for you to follow. All instructions will be with you in the morning. Don’t worry it does not entail you going far. Are you up for it?”

I was so intrigued I replied “ok.”

I have my fingers crossed that I will find a cheque at the end of the trail.

I have only just calmed down enough to write this to you.

I returned home on Sunday afternoon to a different person than the one I had loved and married. I returned to a person that I actually didn’t know existed.

You were so provocative in your focused aggression I had to lock myself in the bathroom in the fear that we would do something that we would both live to regret.

I have never ever known you so angry. So utterly, utterly, disturbingly angry. You followed me around the house as I tried to seek some solace; you wanted an argument yet I was far too happy – luckily – to be sucked in. Things could have been so different.

I never lied to you about where I was going this weekend. Maybe I wasn’t explicit in who, where and why I was going but I didn’t think I needed to be; after all we are in the midst of our divorce.

That isn’t the worst of it though, is it?

In my absence you have drawn some stupid conclusions. You have been snooping amongst my private things – something that we both silently agreed we would never do.

The worst part of all this is is that in your naivety, and in your quest to find out what I am doing – without asking me (I would have told you if you had asked) you have managed to upset some of my friends. For that I cannot forgive you.

I received an email yesterday from a friend – M – a bloke I have known since I was 15 years old, that is almost 2 decades of friendship!! He innocently said that he thought it was nice that my husband had been in touch. Can you imagine the alarm bells that set off in my head? And what ensued was a whole can of worms I really wish hadn’t been opened.

I know that you think our whole divorce is based on me having an affair with a bloke with the initial M - it isn’t!! And if it were, it really wouldn’t be my friend of 20 years.

I wouldn’t mind so much – but if you had sat and thought about it before you sent the email you may have just realised that you attended M’s wedding with me about 7 years ago – we sat at the top table – me being his best friend after all

Of course, as you know, M and I lost touch since then. It must be 5 years since we last spoke if not more. We had our life and he had his.

He now has 2 children and is also in the process of separation. He found my contact details on line and got in touch again a few weeks ago. We have chatted a lot and exchanged emails since then, but it is and was always a good platonic friendship.

I can understand your need to find and blame someone else for our failed marriage. But Husband there is no-one else to blame. There is only us – you and I! We are the ones to blame.

We have failed.

We are our own worst enemies at times. We seek bad things and we get them in abundance. You obviously simmered all weekend and I got you when you started to boil on Sunday afternoon.

And now?

Well I said it all last night. I need you to make me an equitable financial offer as soon as possible. I need to move out of this house; out of our home; I need to move on and let you do the same.

We have agreed on a fair market price of the house and also the equity that we have. All we need to do now is agree the cost of all our fixtures, fittings and furniture.

Please let us agree quickly.

Good night.

Well, I signed and posted the divorce documents today.

I only hope that we have done the right thing.

The petty argument has long since been forgotten.

It has been replaced with a sense of sadness. The house feels cold; it’s no longer a home anymore; well not for me.

I need the next few months to pass quickly. I need the divorce to be settled, the house sold, and I need to move on.

Let’s hope that we can continue to live amiably together until that happens.

Received the Notice of Proceedings from the County Court when I got home this morning.

It is written there, officially in black and white. I have 7 days to respond and then that’s it.

I will be divorced before Christmas.

Don’t know how I feel or how I should feel.

Don’t know what I will say to you when you come home this evening.

Fun is re-visiting me at last!

I have just remembered what fun is.

Laughing with friends that I haven’t seen in ages, at jokes that we only had in common
Going out for dinner at the drop of a hat – no more forward planning required
Being invited to a well attended party and being chatted up by the best looking guy there – and obviously denying his advances

I have got my life back.

I know I sound insular but don’t care!

Life is all good

I got the papers that you left for my information.

Thank you. At last we are at the start of our formal end.